The Cnidaria Mammaris or “Sea Boob” is named for its resemblance to the human breast. Endemic to the southern Pacific Ocean, the Sea Boob can grow up to 15ft wide (Bra size WWWW) and is often found in pairs. Under the surface, the Sea Boob has poisonous tentacles like those of a jellyfish that reach to the sea floor, where they entangle bottom dwellers to feed.
Sea Boobs were hunted throughout the 19th century, coveted as an aphrodisiac or just caught and squeezed for pleasure by lonely sailors. They may have played a role in the origin of the myth of mermaids as well.
Reports are still coming in but here are the facts we’ve verified at FIJMU:
- Welcome to Nightvale has cancelled.
- The game room only has one video game system and one television.
- The two are not connected.
The man with metal blood.
Eric Virkeliglangtnavn of Norway is unique among the seven billion people on Earth: He likes Nickelback. No but seriously, he has fucking METAL BLOOD.
In normal blood, hemoglobin bonds with oxygen to carry it to cells. In Eric’s bloodstream however, hemoglobin is not present. Oxygen in his blood cells is instead carried by Gallium, which forms an identical bond. Scientists remain uncertain how Mr. Virkeliglangtnavn contracted the condition, but some theroize that his mother listened to Darkthrone while pregnant.
This is a picture of mercury flowing out of someone’s hand. Five seconds of Google people. Five fucking seconds.
The URL is literally facts I just made up did u even really have to google that
His last name translates to Seriouslylongname
BARACK OBAMA ADMITS HE WAS BORN IN KENYA
Photo via Whitehouse.gov
In a shocking turn of events today while speaking in preparation for his July 4th celebration, Barack Obama admitted formally that he was indeed born in Kenya as many of his detractors claim.
The admission comes prior to the release of 400 documents pertaining to Obama’s past. Said assistant press secretary Sir Thomas Erpingham, “The President has only been made aware of his place of birth with the revelation of these documents. His run for office and resolute denial was honest and in good faith, without question.”
Not all politicians see the admission as benign. Said critic of the administration Charles d’Albret, “At last we are vindicated! Obama’s lies are finally revealed to the world and we are vindicated. Or as the kids say these days, ‘Told you so!’ There is now no question the president is a fraud and a criminal who cannot hold office. I demand a recall immediately, as do the American people who have suffered under this tyrant long enough!”
Mr. d’Albret has already headed to challenge Obama at Court (Agincourt), where he has rallied infamous impeachment lawyers Jean Le Maingre and Charles d’Orleans. Obama has already hired on Edward Humphrey who defended Clinton during his impeachment.
However it ends, today has been a fateful day in the history of our nation. Remember, you heard it on FIJMU first.
90% of people are actually farting at all times. it is a lifelong continuous fart and just sometimes it gets louder for a few seconds before becoming inaudible again
season three of oitnb is now being rumored to be titled, “I Can’t Believe it’s Not Orange!”